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open post.
open rp post
hit me with your starters, your meme continuations, and your prompts
open rp post
hit me with your starters, your meme continuations, and your prompts
[They should talk about it, right? Dr. Copeland would definitely recommend having this discussion, has recommended it. And maybe it makes sense to have it now, when they were talking about the possibility of her carrying around a new life in her body.]
- It was after you were shot. When you were still in the hospital.
- It was after you were shot. When you were still in the hospital.
( eddie pauses to think about that. figure out if he knows what she's referencing. and it hits him pretty quickly--he bets he does. )
With the crane? ( he's careful to keep his tone even, despite the fact that thinking about what he heard about that call makes him a little anxious. )
With the crane? ( he's careful to keep his tone even, despite the fact that thinking about what he heard about that call makes him a little anxious. )
Yeah.
I went to Bobby afterward cause I knew he was pissed but he didn't pull me aside like he usually does. He pretty much told me that he'd given up trying to get me to stop going full Buck because it wasn't gonna happen, and he all but called me suicidal to my face.
[And okay, maybe that framing is not... exactly how the conversation went, but it was in there.]
I went to Bobby afterward cause I knew he was pissed but he didn't pull me aside like he usually does. He pretty much told me that he'd given up trying to get me to stop going full Buck because it wasn't gonna happen, and he all but called me suicidal to my face.
[And okay, maybe that framing is not... exactly how the conversation went, but it was in there.]
[She wants to say no. She wants to say of course not. She wants to say I was just doing my job. But Dr. Copeland has been slowly easing her head around the possibility that Buck's tried to die before, so that she can find ways to recognize it if it happens again.]
- Things are good now.
- Things are good now.
( that's not at all what he asked, but it's also enough of an answer that eddie immediately knows that buck was, indeed, a little suicidal. even if she can't admit it. he holds her a little tighter and takes a moment to just breathe her in. )
That's probably why that was different.
That's probably why that was different.
Yeah. [She swallows. Takes a moment herself to breathe and feel the way that he's holding onto her.
Softly:] Things were good for Maddie, too, until being pregnant with Jee fucked her up. [It's not really something that had been a part of their talks about the possibility of having a kid together, not yet. God, she didn't even know she was worried about it until just now, basically.]
Softly:] Things were good for Maddie, too, until being pregnant with Jee fucked her up. [It's not really something that had been a part of their talks about the possibility of having a kid together, not yet. God, she didn't even know she was worried about it until just now, basically.]
Knowing PPD is a possibility means that we're prepared to treat it. ( he kisses the top of her head again. ) If that's a risk you want to take.
( because at the end of the day, buck is the one who has final say on if or when they have more kids. or if they try for biological kids versus something like adoption. )
( because at the end of the day, buck is the one who has final say on if or when they have more kids. or if they try for biological kids versus something like adoption. )
It is. [She knows that for certain. She does want to make a kid with Eddie. She wants Christopher to have a little sibling.] I just - I don’t think I thought about what could go wrong until now.
Probably. Yeah.
[Well, assuming she doesn’t fall into a Research Spiral(TM).]
[Well, assuming she doesn’t fall into a Research Spiral(TM).]
Then we'll do some research.
( because he plans to be there every step of the way. she's not alone in this, and eddie absolutely wants to be as prepared as possible for if she does end up with a case of PPD, or a pregnancy complication, or whatever. because he loves her. and because he wasn't there for shannon; not at the end of her pregnancy and not when she started realizing that something was wrong with chris. that--haunts him a little. )
( because he plans to be there every step of the way. she's not alone in this, and eddie absolutely wants to be as prepared as possible for if she does end up with a case of PPD, or a pregnancy complication, or whatever. because he loves her. and because he wasn't there for shannon; not at the end of her pregnancy and not when she started realizing that something was wrong with chris. that--haunts him a little. )
I think we're going to learn, just - a ton of weird and gross stuff.
[She managed to stop herself from the full deep dive when it came to Maddie's pregnancy, but she knows there's a lot of terrifying weird shit that happens even in a good pregnancy.]
[She managed to stop herself from the full deep dive when it came to Maddie's pregnancy, but she knows there's a lot of terrifying weird shit that happens even in a good pregnancy.]
I feel pretty confident it can be.
[She has heard of some things that she didn't want to know the details of at the time.]
[She has heard of some things that she didn't want to know the details of at the time.]
[ There's a call that comes in, and Eddie should be worried, because it's not on facetime.
This should be in person. This shouldn't be a call. But he doesn't trust himself to drive all the way to Texas right now, and he knows he could crash on Eddie's couch but he doesn't really have a place to stay, and his team's short-staffed, and and and-
- And the whole world feels like it's spinning, every time Buck catches a breath. He's angry, and he's sad, and he didn't say I love you back. At the time, he'd felt it be too real, like saying the words would cement Bobby's fate. All he had to do was survive, and come out of those doors, and Buck would have told him.
He shouldn't have waited.
He feels like he's going to be sick, but he presses the call button, and waits. ]
This should be in person. This shouldn't be a call. But he doesn't trust himself to drive all the way to Texas right now, and he knows he could crash on Eddie's couch but he doesn't really have a place to stay, and his team's short-staffed, and and and-
- And the whole world feels like it's spinning, every time Buck catches a breath. He's angry, and he's sad, and he didn't say I love you back. At the time, he'd felt it be too real, like saying the words would cement Bobby's fate. All he had to do was survive, and come out of those doors, and Buck would have told him.
He shouldn't have waited.
He feels like he's going to be sick, but he presses the call button, and waits. ]
( it's a little weird that eddie hasn't heard from buck at all, but he just figures that means it's been a busy shift. maybe someone made the mistake of saying quiet again. point is--eddie's aware of the fact that something's probably keeping his best friend from their usual living virtually in each other's pockets, but he's not worried about it.
he spends his day driving people around. has dinner with chris that's pretty good, if he does say so himself. they watch an episode of some tv show chris is really getting into before he has to remind his kid--his teen--that he's gotta get some sleep if he doesn't want to be trashed for school the next day.
it's late but not late-late when his phone rings. at first, eddie sighs as he goes to grab his phone. if it's ringing, it's probably his mother. facetime calls sound different. but it's buck's name and picture flashing on his phone. huh. )
Hey, man. Long shift?
he spends his day driving people around. has dinner with chris that's pretty good, if he does say so himself. they watch an episode of some tv show chris is really getting into before he has to remind his kid--his teen--that he's gotta get some sleep if he doesn't want to be trashed for school the next day.
it's late but not late-late when his phone rings. at first, eddie sighs as he goes to grab his phone. if it's ringing, it's probably his mother. facetime calls sound different. but it's buck's name and picture flashing on his phone. huh. )
Hey, man. Long shift?
[ There's a silence, at first, as Buck tries to pull himself together. But Eddie could read his sighs and silences, and he can probably hear how Buck frowns and how his nose flares, the way it does when he's trying to keep himself from getting emotional. ]
I, uh. Yeah.
[ He clears his throat, but his voice cracks again almost immediately. It's punctuated with a sniff; he's been crying. That much is obvious with the depth and hoarseness of his voice, with the deliberate slowness of his words as if he's trying to force them out. ]
Are you sitting down? Chris isn't with you?
[ There's a shuffle of cloth as he wipes his eyes. Maybe he should have waited, but Eddie deserves to know. Eddie deserved to be here, in person, to radio in and say goodbye, to give him his last words in passing. Or maybe Buck's just feeling guilty again, about what he said, about how he couldn't muster a response to I love you, kid.
He looks up and chokes back his tears. ]
Don't get him.
I, uh. Yeah.
[ He clears his throat, but his voice cracks again almost immediately. It's punctuated with a sniff; he's been crying. That much is obvious with the depth and hoarseness of his voice, with the deliberate slowness of his words as if he's trying to force them out. ]
Are you sitting down? Chris isn't with you?
[ There's a shuffle of cloth as he wipes his eyes. Maybe he should have waited, but Eddie deserves to know. Eddie deserved to be here, in person, to radio in and say goodbye, to give him his last words in passing. Or maybe Buck's just feeling guilty again, about what he said, about how he couldn't muster a response to I love you, kid.
He looks up and chokes back his tears. ]
Don't get him.
( the silence tells him something is wrong. the way buck sniffles after that tells him everything he needs to know about what happened. buck's the type to cry at reunion videos, and animal shelter commercials, and when he gets incredibly emotional. but only one of those would result in a call like this, to eddie, combined with a request that he sit down and not get chris.
it almost feels like his legs go out from under him a little as he slumps onto his arm chair. he balances with his phone gripped tightly in both hands, his elbows resting on his knees as he leans over. he wonders--briefly--if this overwhelming wave of knowing dread is how shannon felt when she found out he'd been shot in afghanistan. )
Who-- ( eddie has to pause and clear his throat, try and get some of the lump out of it. ) Who is it?
it almost feels like his legs go out from under him a little as he slumps onto his arm chair. he balances with his phone gripped tightly in both hands, his elbows resting on his knees as he leans over. he wonders--briefly--if this overwhelming wave of knowing dread is how shannon felt when she found out he'd been shot in afghanistan. )
Who-- ( eddie has to pause and clear his throat, try and get some of the lump out of it. ) Who is it?
[ He takes a deep breath, because he can't bring himself to say the words out loud, like the coroner might call and say it was all a mistake if he just delays this long enough. He tries to work up to it, and hopefully Eddie forgives him for prolonging telling him. Because he feels like he needs to explain, because he feels like he'd give anything right now for someone else to be the one telling Eddie this, at the same time that he wouldn't want Eddie to find out from anyone other than someone from the 118, and he's not foisting the responsibility onto Hen or Chim or Ravi. ]
We were on a call. And there was an explosion, and the team was exposed to a disease.
[ He pauses then, because he suddenly feels like he's gotten all the air punched out of his lungs. ]
And Chim was in a really bad state, and me and Athena were chasing down the scientist to get the antidote.
[ His voice just keeps getting higher and more panicked as he continues, and it's not helping to recount the story because he feels like he's reliving it, now. Rushing Athena to her car, the helicopter chase, calling Tommy and cashing in a huge favor on a credit line he didn't even have anymore, all that feels like a lifetime or a dream ago. ]
And um -
[ His breathing staggers now, and he swallows down a cry, but the noise still escapes. ]
- There was only one dosage.
[ The way he says that is almost questioningly, like he's trying to explain it to himself, why they couldn't save everybody. ]
So we gave it to Chim, and we... walked out.
[ He remembers how fucking victorious he felt, getting his team out of there, not bothering to notice why or how Bobby fell back to the end of the line. Buck had been the first one out, and he'd wanted to be the last one out, and he might've seen it happening if he hadn't been so fucking relieved. ]
And Bobby closed the door. He, um.
[ Spent his last words to Buck consoling him.
Told him his team needed him.
Asked him to get Athena.
Ordered him out becuse he wanted to spend his last moments with his wife.
Said, I love you, kid. ]
He didn't make it.
[ He's saying this through tears now, the words catching in his throat, the sound ugly and raw. ]
We were on a call. And there was an explosion, and the team was exposed to a disease.
[ He pauses then, because he suddenly feels like he's gotten all the air punched out of his lungs. ]
And Chim was in a really bad state, and me and Athena were chasing down the scientist to get the antidote.
[ His voice just keeps getting higher and more panicked as he continues, and it's not helping to recount the story because he feels like he's reliving it, now. Rushing Athena to her car, the helicopter chase, calling Tommy and cashing in a huge favor on a credit line he didn't even have anymore, all that feels like a lifetime or a dream ago. ]
And um -
[ His breathing staggers now, and he swallows down a cry, but the noise still escapes. ]
- There was only one dosage.
[ The way he says that is almost questioningly, like he's trying to explain it to himself, why they couldn't save everybody. ]
So we gave it to Chim, and we... walked out.
[ He remembers how fucking victorious he felt, getting his team out of there, not bothering to notice why or how Bobby fell back to the end of the line. Buck had been the first one out, and he'd wanted to be the last one out, and he might've seen it happening if he hadn't been so fucking relieved. ]
And Bobby closed the door. He, um.
[ Spent his last words to Buck consoling him.
Told him his team needed him.
Asked him to get Athena.
Ordered him out becuse he wanted to spend his last moments with his wife.
Said, I love you, kid. ]
He didn't make it.
[ He's saying this through tears now, the words catching in his throat, the sound ugly and raw. ]
( every word buck gets out feels like a weight bearing down on eddie's shoulders. he finds himself curling in more and more as the story comes out until he's almost completely bent over his knees. the phone shakes. he can't get his hands to stop trembling and no matter how much he screws his face up, he can't stop tears from spilling over.
bobby is dead.
his captain, his mentor, a man who has been there for him through some of the absolute worst moments of eddie's life, is dead. and eddie wasn't there. he should've been there. )
Is-- ( eddie sniffs, clears his throat, and tries again. ) Is Chim gonna be alright?
( are they in danger of losing someone else too? because if they are, eddie doesn't think he's going to be able to handle that well. he's already barely hanging on to his composure, metaphorical fingernails about to give. )
bobby is dead.
his captain, his mentor, a man who has been there for him through some of the absolute worst moments of eddie's life, is dead. and eddie wasn't there. he should've been there. )
Is-- ( eddie sniffs, clears his throat, and tries again. ) Is Chim gonna be alright?
( are they in danger of losing someone else too? because if they are, eddie doesn't think he's going to be able to handle that well. he's already barely hanging on to his composure, metaphorical fingernails about to give. )
[ He can almost feel Eddie on the other side of the line, can almost see his face. It's rare that Eddie cries, and every time he does, it breaks Buck's heart and makes him feel so helpless. This time, he can't find any words of consolation that don't feel as hollow as the wound currently gnawing at his chest.
Thankfully, Eddie asks him a question so he doesn't have to scramble for the words he so needs to find. ]
He's-- yeah. They're gonna keep him for observation.
[ Another hard sniffle, and his voice is wobbly, threatening to break. ]
But he's in recovery.
[ And isn't that at least something? Bobby got to save him, got to sacrifice himself so that Chim's new baby might get a fighting chance to meet his father. ]
Maddie's with him now.
[ Of course Buck wouldn't have chosen for Chim to die over Bobby, but if he'd gotten his choice, he would've gone for either of them. And Eddie had once said that Buck wasn't as expendable as he'd thought of himself, but compared to the cost of losing Bobby, it's no contest.
The thought is an ugly one, but he'll have to forgive himself the transgression when the other looming thought is how empty and alone he feels. ]
I'll let you know when the funeral is, I--
[ -- He doesn't finish, shaky breath giving way to sobs, curling up on himself trying to become as small as possible so he doesn't have to look at the room he's in right now. They're four walls that if they could talk, would tell only stories of Eddie and Chris. It feels wrong right now that they're not here; for the first time in weeks he feels like he's intruding in his own home. ]
Thankfully, Eddie asks him a question so he doesn't have to scramble for the words he so needs to find. ]
He's-- yeah. They're gonna keep him for observation.
[ Another hard sniffle, and his voice is wobbly, threatening to break. ]
But he's in recovery.
[ And isn't that at least something? Bobby got to save him, got to sacrifice himself so that Chim's new baby might get a fighting chance to meet his father. ]
Maddie's with him now.
[ Of course Buck wouldn't have chosen for Chim to die over Bobby, but if he'd gotten his choice, he would've gone for either of them. And Eddie had once said that Buck wasn't as expendable as he'd thought of himself, but compared to the cost of losing Bobby, it's no contest.
The thought is an ugly one, but he'll have to forgive himself the transgression when the other looming thought is how empty and alone he feels. ]
I'll let you know when the funeral is, I--
[ -- He doesn't finish, shaky breath giving way to sobs, curling up on himself trying to become as small as possible so he doesn't have to look at the room he's in right now. They're four walls that if they could talk, would tell only stories of Eddie and Chris. It feels wrong right now that they're not here; for the first time in weeks he feels like he's intruding in his own home. ]
[Look.
Buck knew this day would come. It had to, realistically, especially when she started having trouble fitting in her pants. And it didn't happen overnight, but still, somehow it just - looks a lot bigger this morning than it did last night. And yeah, Eddie's shift is done in an hour and she could leave it til then, but instead, he's getting a picture of her poking lightly at her stomach. The baby bump is mostly just a rounding of her stomach right now, but it's noticeable.
baby Diaz is fighting my jeans and winning
Buck knew this day would come. It had to, realistically, especially when she started having trouble fitting in her pants. And it didn't happen overnight, but still, somehow it just - looks a lot bigger this morning than it did last night. And yeah, Eddie's shift is done in an hour and she could leave it til then, but instead, he's getting a picture of her poking lightly at her stomach. The baby bump is mostly just a rounding of her stomach right now, but it's noticeable.
baby Diaz is fighting my jeans and winning
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