bombero | open post.

It's not like she intends to butt heads with the new guy; after all, she remembers what it was like, being the new person. The 118 was insanely kind to her, especially after having a rough time in training, and she should want to pass on that warmth and sense of family. She wants to. It's just -

She knows what her reputation is. It started all the way back in training, because she'd never been able to keep her legs shut until Bobby nearly fired her and she fucked a department therapist. She still can't, really, but fear of screwing up the one good thing she has going for her has at least kept her fuck-ups away from her job since then. Still, she did some serious damage to how people see her, and she's had to turn down a few assholes who heard she was easy and weren't thrilled by her new policy. And that's ignoring the fact that firefighting is still very much a men's club and she gets looked down on all the time for not being one of the guys. Sue her if she's a little cautious around new people.

Also, he's extremely hot, and if it weren't for that policy, then she knows she'd definitely sleep with him if he asked. That makes it awkward, too.

She's not a bitch to him or anything, but she's not her usual friendly golden retriever self towards him. Bobby even calls her on it, pulls her aside at one point to ask if there's a problem. When she admits that there isn't, or if there is then it's all her, he asks her to put a bit more effort into being friendly because Eddie's a damn good firefighter and potentially very good backup for some of the more reckless shit Buck tends to pull. (Okay, he didn't phrase that last part quite that way, but that's the message she receives.)

So she jumps into more reckless bullshit with Eddie in the form of removing a live grenade from a guy's leg. It's terrifying and exhilarating and Eddie's calmness under pressure at least reassures her that Bobby probably made the right call in bringing him to the 118, and he's probably not an asshole. They have kind of a moment afterwards where she's pretty sure they've both just agreed to give some kind of professional partnership a try, but she wants to make sure the lines of communication stay open so when they get back to the station, she brings them both a plate of Bobby's leftovers.

"I don't know what you like, but anything Bobby makes is good, so..."

Going into his first day, Eddie didn't have very many expectations of his new job. But it was still a little disappointing to realize that the person Captain Nash--Bobby--had pitched as his potential partner in the field wasn't exactly thrilled with his being hired. Eddie thinks he gets it. He remembers the shit Mills would sometimes get as a petite woman in the Army and thinks he can probably guess why Buck's wary. Still, Hen's plenty nice, so that can't be everything.

In any case, Eddie finds himself a little miffed despite himself. It's not like he has to get along with all his co-workers. And it seems like Buck really is the odd one out so it's not like it's that big of a deal in the long run. He'll be fine whether or not she warms up to him. That's what he tell himself.

Still, it's nice to see some of the caution fade away after they pull the grenade out of Charlie's leg. Even better to see that everything Bobby said about Buck when making a case for Station 118--somewhat reckless but damn good at her job, someone Eddie might mesh well with--seems to be true in the end. Eddie's serious when he tells her that she can have his back any day. He's got no reasons to doubt her or their potential teamwork in the field after a stunt like that.

And he does expect it to be an "in the field" kind of thing. It's not just Buck's previous attitude that makes him think that--the whole concept of team as family is a little foreign. Sure, there was a certain sense of brotherhood in the Army. But the second he got discharged that disappeared. (Most of that was on him, he'll admit. But the point stands.) So he's surprised when Buck warms him up some food once they're back at the station.

"I'm not picky," he says, trying to hide the fact that the smell of good food makes his mouth water and his stomach let out a quiet rumble. "And this looks leagues better than anything I try to cook."

He picks up his fork and makes to dig in, but--pauses. Just before he spears a bite. "Thanks." He gestures at the plate. "For getting me some."

"Bobby did the hard part. I just reheated it."

She takes a couple bites from her own plate - some kind of casserole, absolute comfort food, bless Bobby for making it even if he couldn't have known she was going to be in need of something comforting to shore up her strength. Not that this thing with Eddie is even really what she's going to need most of her strength for; Maddie's reappearance in her life running from her abusive husband might've given her some extra perspective on this thing with Eddie being relatively petty.

"I think I owe you an apology," she says, setting her fork down for a second. "I hadn't really been giving you a chance since you got here."

Vaguely, Eddie remembers Bobby telling him about some of the leftover in the fridge. He thinks this one's called hotdish? He's not exactly sure what it is but it smells damn good so he's not shy about digging in. And--oh, yeah. That tastes damn good too. Nash should really have put his cooking skills in as part of his recruitment speech.

As he's in the middle of taking another big bite, Buck apologizes. Eddie pauses, mouth obviously full of food and fork heading for more. This is awkward. Not because of the apology. No, that he appreciates. But now he's got to cover his mouth a little with one hand, chew very fast, and swallow before he can say anything back.

"It's alright." All's well that ends well, right? "You seemed pretty surprised I was even here. I take it Bobby didn't tell you he was hiring anyone new?"

That would put anyone on the backfoot.

“Nope. Probably would’ve been a good idea since he apparently was thinking of teaming us up, but - “

To be fair, he probably didn’t think he needed to prep Buck for anything. She’s usually pretty easy to get along with, so it’s not like he could’ve reasonably expected Buck to get all - whatever happened the past couple days. It was stupid and unfair. “I didn’t know til you showed up for your shift.”

"I can see how that would be rough," he says. It's not an excuse but it is an explanation. Makes it easy to say--"Consider it water under the bridge."

Eddie takes another bite of his (very late) dinner and gives Buck a crooked little smile. "I was serious when I said you could watch my back earlier."

She has to bite her tongue to stop herself from saying something stupid like watching your back isn’t exactly a hardship, because she might be a fuck-up but she doesn’t do that at work anymore.

“You, too. What you did was pretty badass.”

Eddie shrugs one shoulder. "It's the job, isn't it?" he says, looking more to the side than at Buck. Praise for this kind of stunt is easier to swallow than it used to be. Different context from the army days. Nobody ended up dead. But Eddie's... still not very good at dealing with it when it's unexpected.

"Besides, I'm not the one who jumped in without any training." He raises an eyebrow at her, but his tone is light. It was a stupid move, but he wouldn't have been able to do it without her.

“No training?” she repeated with a teasing kind of shock. “I’m sorry, does my shirt not say LAFD?” She glances down at it, as if double-checking that it still does. As if pulling a live grenade out of a man’s leg is something that firefighters are regularly trained and expected to do.

“You did all the hard work, anyway. I was basically moral support.”

"Oh, so they stopped doing bomb squad training just before I joined the academy then." He can't help but grin. "Got it."

It feels good to banter with someone. That's--not something he's been able to do much recently. First, he was stuck in El Paso and exhausting himself working three jobs. Then, at the academy, he mostly kept his head down, working himself to the bone to get through and provide for Christopher. This? Getting to relax in a no-longer-tense environment and finding a friend? Feels like it might be close to what he was working towards.

"How about we just say we were both badasses and Hen and Chim missed one hell of a call?"

“Well, yeah, obviously. After I passed with flying colors, they decided they couldn’t possibly need anyone else with that training. All Buckley all the way.”

She takes a couple more bites of her leftovers now that she’s confident they’ve gotten over her whole Thing and started over. “Oh, we’re going to be telling that story a lot of times, I’m pretty sure.”

Laughing quietly around another forkful of casserole, Eddie shakes his head. But it's already something of a fond gesture.

"Does it make the top ten craziest stories you've got from here?" He vaguely remembers something about rebar that sounded like it could be wilder. But a live grenade in the leg has gotta be pretty hard to beat.

"I'll have to update the list." She grins crookedly at him over a bite. "The time Chim got in a crash that had a piece of rebar sticking out of his forehead and didn't even know it is pretty high up there, but that has improbable recovery and patient directly related to the firehouse going for it. There's a point system, you know?"

Wait, what? Eddie pauses mid-bite, staring with wide eyes. "Chim got rebar through his forehead?" That explains that still-pink little scar on his forehead. But, Jesus, how is the man still alive? Other than 'a miracle.'

"It was completely insane." Is it horrible of her to be entertained by his reaction? Maybe, but sometimes the best way to deal with the crazy shit they've survived is telling some innocent bystander and watching their brain break. "When we got to the scene, he had no idea. Couldn't feel it from the shock. He even helped us decide how to transport him without wrecking all the good luck he had even surviving it."

"Holy shit."

There's really not much else that he can say in response to that. It's completely insane on so many levels. And honestly his level of respect for Chimney just went up. Even if he couldn't feel it, helping to triage and transport himself is a serious feat.

"If that's the top of the list, I kinda hope I don't ever have a call that takes its place."

"We wound up taking the entire car to the hospital." It was fully insane, and she's so grateful to be able to look back on it as a wild story and not one of the worst nights of the 118's lives - and thinking about it like that causes an edge of seriousness to seep into her mood. "Best not to jinx it."

He wonders for a moment if she's serious. Buck's demeanor changing a little would seem to indicate so but--that's a joke, right? He's just gonna assume that's a joke and move past it.

"How'd you get the entire car to the hospital?" he asks. "Tow truck?"

She shakes her head. "Put it on the flatbed of a truck. Easier to keep it steady that way."

Not like they wanted Chim getting even more hurt in transport.

"That's pretty ingenious." He is duly impressed. Go Chim or whoever else it was who came up with that idea.

"How totaled was his car?"

"Oh, his car was a goner."

She shakes her head ruefully as she has a sip of some water she'd brought over with her plate. "Ask him about it sometime if you want to see a grown man cry."

( if asked, eddie will say he does it like this because he thinks the space is probably a good idea. the truth is, he knows he's going to find it easier to say what he wants to say when buck can't look at him. so after making sure she's got time on a night when christopher is at a sleepover, eddie calls buck. )

So I was thinking about what we talked about a little while ago. You know, us. Sleeping together. ( augh, he sounds so awkward but he doesn't know how not to. ) I was thinking maybe we could... ease our way up to the main event.

[Well, this is. Not how she expected to be having a conversation like this. She’d’ve expected it to be in person, or at least rate a FaceTime chat. But whatever’s happening, she sits down on her coach and gets ready for Whatever This Is.]

Like how?

Like maybe we start slow, do some things that aren't... ( he cringes; he doesn't know how to say this without sounding clinical. ) Getting completely naked and having penetrative sex.

( a beat. )

You know what I mean. Right?

I don’t know. You might have to give me some examples? [Okay, it might be a bit mean to be teasing him now, but he is the one who called her (!!) out of nowhere for this conversation. She’s not being mean about it, there’s a line of seriousness behind the smile in her voice.]

( he groans and throws an arm over his face even though she's not there to see it. the tips of his ears feel like they're on fire. ) Buck.

( well. he did start this. he's gotta follow through. )

I meant maybe we start with... hands. Or start apart if you want to go slower.

I’m not sure if it counts as sex if we’re not together?

[Oh, it’s so easy to tell that he’s blushing, the same way it’s easy to tell that her smirk has widened.] Unless you’re trying to tell me you called for phone sex.

More like... ( oh how to put this ) to pitch the idea of phone sex.

( he wouldn't want to presume anything, after all. )

Right now?

[Well, she is pretty cozy and alone.]

... Do you want to have phone sex right now?

( no, really. he's genuinely asking. )

[So the obvious answer should be yes, right? The risk of her fucking things up seems pretty low if they’re not even in the same place.

Except. She’s supposed to be paying attention to what she actually wants, and this isn’t it. ]…No. I don’t want just your voice.

( you know, eddie's kind of proud of them. for having this conversation and being honest. go them. )

I want more than that too. ( he pauses, then laughs a little sheepishly. ) Probably shouldn't say more right now though. Maybe tomorrow night? We could do dinner first.

Are you buying me dinner so we can talk about having sex or…? [That teasing tone is in her voice again.] Cause I gotta know if I need to break out the fancy underwear.

We can talk more. And then maybe do a little more than talk.

( wear the fancy underwear, buck. )

So you’re saying you like my chances.

[When she asked for them to move slow in the sex department, she hadn’t anticipated that it could be end up entertaining just talking and teasing each other about it? So that’s cool.]

Yeah, Buck. That's what I'm saying.

( she makes it easy and fun to talk about sex. which is a wholly novel experience for eddie, honestly. but he's digging it. more than he thought he would. )

I want to take you home after dinner. I want to see the nice underwear, if you'll let me. I want to touch you.

[This is probably what Dr. Copeland meant when she said sex can be fun and not necessarily tangled up in all kinds of past trauma and shitty feelings.]

You know what, Diaz, I’m thinking I like your chances.

What about you? What do you want?

( a healthy sex life should probably be about what both of them want, right? )

I think I’m ready to try doing something with you? I just don’t know for sure what.

[But dinner tomorrow gives her some time to think.]

That's okay. We can just... see where things go.

Okay.

[She is 100% going to overthink it.]

How fancy is the dinner going to be?

( oh he is too. 100%. )

Not... too fancy? ( actually now that he's thinking about what they'll do for dinner-- ) Dress comfortable.

I can do that.

[She’s just. Smiling to herself on her couch alone now. Maybe mentally digging through her closet for something cute but comfy.]

Good. ( he's grinning so big she can probably hear it. ) Pick you up around 6?

I’ll be ready.

( truthfully, eddie's a little nervous going into their date. it's been a while since he's, you know. planned sex. but it's nice to be on the same page? to know they're working towards this together. and it'd be a lie to say that the anticipation doesn't add something to the night.

he leans into it, once they're set up on the couple of plush blankets he put down in the bed of his truck. as they talk and eat, he gently skims touches up and down the lengths of her legs. every chance he gets to kiss her, he takes. by the end of the night, when they're walking up to the front door of her loft, eddie feels a little like he's on fire.

as she gets her keys out, he tugs her curls over one shoulder so he can press an open-mouthed kiss to the side of her neck. lips still against her skin, he asks, ) Did you think of something you want?

[Buck spent - well, more time than she's maybe willing to admit to thinking about this. She'd even briefly considered an emergency session with Dr. Copeland, but she ended up mostly just staring at herself in the mirror and asking herself how far she trusts herself to go with Eddie. Because that's sort of the problem? She wants pretty much everything with Eddie. She just doesn't trust herself to have it and not somehow ruin the relationship over it.

Which is why she decided on what she thinks she wants to try tonight before she even saw him, because it's harder to think about reasons why she can't just rip his pants off and ride him in his truck when he has his lips on her skin. She hadn't really thought of the sundress she'd thrown on for their date as particularly sexy (cute, yes, but not sexy), but Jesus, he is testing her resolve with the way he uses the skin it bares as an excuse to keep touching her.]

I was thinking - [She breathes past a flash of nerves.] I'd like to see you get yourself off?

( oh. that's--not something he thought she might ask. the request has him freezing for a split second before he shivers a little at her back. the thought of showing off for her is at once daunting and incredibly hot. he's not sure how good it'll actually be, but-- )

Yeah. ( his voice goes a little hoarse. ) Yeah, I can do that.

( he waits until they're in her loft, door firmly closed behind them, to continue with both talking and teasing her. he leans in to kiss her slow and sweet like molasses. )

Just me, or...? ( is she also going to be getting herself off? and does she want a hand with that? )

Yeah? [For a moment, she's worried that this is - too weird? Not something he'd be comfortable? Actually a terrible idea now that she's said it out loud? But the way his voice changes when he says yes makes her feel more confident that he's into it, just. Probably not expecting that to be the first thing out of her mouth.

She shivers into the kiss and leans into him, her arms slipping into place around him.] Not just you. Unless you wanted it to be...?

No, I want to see you too. ( he ducks his head and laughs quietly. ) I kinda haven't been able to stop thinking about you saying you have a sex toy budget.

( he may or may not have thought about that multiple times since she's said it. it's kind of an arresting mental image. )

Well, it's less of a formal budget and more like - money I can spare when something needs replacing? Or I want to try something new?

[She's not a sex addict anymore! Sort of. She just has a very healthy sex drive.]

Yeah? ( he's legitimately charmed by the fact that she's comfortable enough with herself to just--admit that openly. ) Think you could show me one of your favorites?

[She just - smirks at him. Lucky for him, she's pretty much a sure thing, and it's going to be pretty easy to convince her to consider some fun little bonuses like introducing him to some of the Buckley Sex Toy Collection(TM).] I could be convinced.

Mmm... ( eddie kisses her again, one hand drifting from her waist down her hip and back up. ) And how would you like to be convinced?

I can't do all the work for you, Diaz.

[But she can start tugging him a little further into her apartment, not quite decided yet if she's going to take him directly up to her bed or detour on the couch for a bit.]

( eddie follows the tugging, sticking as close to her as he can without tripping either of them. he ducks down to kiss the line of buck's jaw, the hinge, the space behind her ear. gentle hands drift down to rest on her hips for a brief moment before he stops moving. just long enough to dip down, grab her thighs, and hoist her up into a carry. )

Where to?

[The moment he lifts her, all thoughts of making out on her couch go away. Actually, pretty much all her thoughts go away for a few seconds because - obviously, she knows that Eddie is strong, he needs those muscles for the job. It's the same job she has, for fuck's sake. But there's a difference between knowing how much he can lift and being the thing that he's lifting, easily, like it's not difficult at all.

She has to keep her mouth shut for a few seconds because if she didn't, she's pretty sure what would come out is some variation on I need to be on your dick right now, and she has a plan, they're not doing that yet.] Bed. [Her voice might crack a little, but she's doing fine. She's using self control.]

( look, he has to carry people not infrequently in terrible situations. getting to do it in a very, very nice situation? that's a nice change. the fact that it makes buck blue screen for a moment is a definite bonus too, one that's got eddie looking a little smug as he carries her up the stairs to the lofted area of the apartment.

he's careful as he lays her down on her bed. she's close enough to the edge still that he legs dangle off the end a bit, but that's actually according to plan. means she's at the perfect spot for him to kneel on the floor next to the bed and prop his chin on her thigh after he presses a kiss just to the inside of her knee. )

Hi. ( ... look he's basically used up any and all smoothness he has. now he's just smitten and horny and feeling a little awkward because he's supposed to be showing off for her a little, isn't he? ) How do you want to do this? Do we like take turns or...?

[Well, that's. That's a very specific choice he's made, not climbing onto the bed with her. Her dress landed so the skirt is a bit higher up on her thighs than is strictly decent, and she has to take a steadying breath because he's made himself comfortable in a very dangerous place.]

Not necessarily. We could do it at the same time? [It would maybe feel a bit less awkward than taking turns. Though she raises her eyebrows at him.] Though it looks like you might have had something else in mind?

( he shakes his head. ) Not really.

( yeah, he'd love to get his mouth on her at some point. he's not going to deny that. but that's not what buck said she wanted right now, so he's focused on that. however, that doesn't mean that he's not going to take advantage of his position to run his hands down her calves and slowly take off her shoes. he starts with her right leg, kissing her ankle bone before moving on to the left.

there, he takes a little more time. eddie doesn't know if she's self-conscious about the scars from the crush injury. it's hard to imagine buck self-conscious about most things. but whether she is or not, eddie is incredibly grateful that she still has her leg and can still work as his partner. that she's healed as well as she has. so he takes a moment to skim his lips over the various scars there, barely a ghost of a kiss. )

[She's probably insane to be relieved by that answer, but - she doesn't think she's ready for that, and she's also not sure if she would've been strong enough to deny him that, if he asked. So the fact that he doesn't ask is - it's good.

But he's not getting out of that position, either, and she watches with some bemusement as he takes it upon himself to get her out of her shoes. And her breathing shallows and almost halts for a second when she realizes the special attention he's paying to her scars.

She's not - she's not ashamed of them. If she was, then she'd keep them covered, always wear long jeans or something instead of the dress she'd picked out for their date. Yeah, sometimes people stare when she's out and about, but she has one hell of a story to tell if they ask. But no one's ever paid attention to them like this, in this intimate of a setting, and she's - she doesn't know how to feel.]

( appropriate attention paid to the reminder that buck is alive, and well, and able despite everything, eddie turns his attention to the rest of her. he kisses his way up her calf until he gets to her knee and--pauses. this feels like as good a point as any to check in. )

Okay? ( he asks as the tips of his fingers idly play with the hem of her dress. he's not going further with undressing her yet but he's very much like to. and would also very much like to get out of his own henley and jeans at some point. )

Yeah. [Her voice is a little thick with emotion that she doesn't really want to take the time to acknowledge and feel like Dr. Copeland would probably tell her to right now. Instead, since he's paused pretty much on the precipice of getting her undressed, she decides to take the initiative. She lifts her hips a bit so she can get the bottom of her dress clear of her lower body and pull the whole thing off over her head, leaving her in just the fancy underwear set she'd more-or-less promised she'd be wearing.]

( while he knew that buck was probably going to be wearing lingerie, that knowledge did nothing to prepare him for the sight of it. he swallows hard, eyes roaming across all the skin suddenly on display. )

God, you're beautiful. ( it feels like an understatement. but those are all the words he's got right now.

it takes him a minute to pull his brain cells back together. when he does, he reaches behind himself, grabbing the back of his shirt and stripping it off. he stands up so the jeans can follow--only to get a little tripped up as he realizes he hasn't taken his shoes off yet. )

... shit.

[Buck knows she looks good. It's not the most important thing about herself the way it might've come close to being in the past, but she knows that she's attractive, knows how to play up what's naturally there when she wants to. The smirk she gives him as he takes in the sight of her is smug and pretty self-satisfied.

Then he starts to follow suit getting undressed, and she's happily rewarded by the sight of his bare torso. It's not like she's never seen him shirtless before - he was literally shirtless the first time she saw him - but that doesn't mean it's not a beautiful sight. Not to mention there's something very different about seeing him shirtless in the locker room versus him taking his shirt off right in front of her, for her to see.

Then it's like he sort of loses his balance for a second, and she sits up incredibly fast to reach out and steady him by the arm. It takes a moment to realize what happened, and when she does, she has to bite back the urge to giggle at him.] Easy. It's not a race.

( an embarrassed flush crawls across his cheeks to the tips of his ears. he perches on the corner of her bed and quickly kicks off his shoes, not even bothering to untie them. his jeans are easy enough to finish shimmying off after that.

and then he's just--sitting next to her. on her bed. in his boxers. a little sheepish and a lot besotted. )

Not my smoothest move ever. ( he rubs a hand over the back of his neck. )

[This time she actually does giggle, warm and affectionate, as she shifts on the bed so she can swing a leg over him and settle, straddling his lap.] Well, you’re definitely going to lose some points from the judges on form, but I have no complaints about the end result.

( well. he rather likes that. especially since he can now get his hands on bare skin. )

Good. Yours is the only opinion I care about, anyway.

( reaching up to cradle her cheek in his palm, he gives her a cheeky grin before kissing her, right on that beautiful mouth of hers. )

Good, cause you're gorgeous. [And in her bed, which is extremely pleased with herself about. If only she could go back in time to when she first laid eyes on him and tell herself oh, just you wait. He looks even better now that he's under her and she has implicit permission to run her hands over those abs.]

( she has all the permission--implicit, explicit, perpetual. eddie would like it very much if she always kept her hands him. he'd forgotten, somewhere in the stress and later the grief, that touching and being touched could feel this good. that being intimate like this could be fun and not just an obligation or a way to avoid a hard conversation.

a happy noise rumbles up from his chest. her touch leaves little trails of electricity behind, tingling and setting him alight. his left hand drifts up her side until his fingers meet her bra. teasingly, he brushes his fingers back and forth right at the edge of the fabric. )

[For all that she had the best intentions, she kind of can't believe she's denied herself having this for as long as she has. Buck 1.0 might be behind her, but she's still a slut (semi-affectionate) at heart, and it's seriously a miracle that she's lasted as long as she has without straight-up jumping him. Maybe she really has grown as a person.

When she notices what he's focusing on, she arches her back slightly, casually putting her breasts a little more on display for him.] So, what do you think? The fancy underwear choice was worth it?

Absolutely. ( and, since she's given him the perfect opportunity, he can't resist bringing both his hands 'round to cup her breasts in his palms. god, does she have nice tits.

he rubs a thumb over her nipple, then leans down to pay her some more attention with his mouth. he starts at her collar bones and works his way towards her chest. ) I almost don't want you to take it off, but... ( his last kiss lands right where skin meets lace. )

Good, cause underwear this fancy does not come cheap. [Not that she bought a new set specifically for this date. She might've, actually, if she'd had more than a day's notice for it. She just couldn't help but tease him over it.

Her breathing quickens a bit the further down his mouth ventures.] Well, your chances of seeing them on me again sometime are looking good.

Good to know.

( he reaches behind her and unclips her bra. because he is absolutely taking that as an invitation to get it off her. and as tempting as it is to dive back in to peppering her skin with kisses, he takes a moment to just--look. and touch a little, thumb circling her areola but carefully not touching where she'd probably prefer him to.

it's a deliberate tease, but also a moment to pull his brain back together a little bit. because this isn't quite where he thought they were going to go with all this and he just wants to check in. ) This okay?

[Even without him touching it directly, her nipple still hardens under the attention. There's a slight flush building in her skin because for some reason, him just - looking at her like that is what's starting to get to her.

The question is a welcome distraction.] Yeah. I mean, I didn't picture us on opposite sides of the bed, keeping our hands all the way to ourselves or anything. [Admittedly, having a look, don't touch thing going could be pretty hot, but sometime in the future. Sometime when it's not the first time they get to touch.]

Okay. ( he plants one hand on the mattress behind him and leans back a little, his other hand still tracing circles and other swirling patterns on her chest. )

Do you-- ( the backs of his fingers brush between her breasts, down the line of her sternum to her navel, then back again ) --want to show me what feels best for you?

( otherwise he's happy to keep exploring and finding out what gets a reaction out of her. but he also wouldn't mind a little direction. )

[In reply, she places one of her hands over his, guiding it so that it's resting against her right breast. With her help, she leads him through brushing his thumb over her hardening nipple, then tweaking it lightly a few times.

Once she's gotten that started, she turns her attention to mouthing kisses along his jawline.]

( he keeps up the motions of his thumb, even as he lets his eyes close and his head fall back a bit to give buck room. there's a spot, right under his jaw on his left side, that has his breath hitching and a shiver rushing down his spine when her lips hit it. )

Buck... ( he says her name just to say it. to feel it roll off his tongue and into the quiet night. he switches hands, lets his left hold him up and his right pay attention to her other breast. )

[Her lips curve into a smirk against his skin when she finds that spot, and she spends a few more moments paying attention to it, stopping just short of anything that would actually leave a mark on it because that would be a very noticeable spot and it would be kind of a dick move without discussing it first. But that doesn't mean she can't explore whether or not there's a matching spot on the other side of his jaw.

If her hips are rolling slightly where she's basically seated in his lap, unconsciously seeking friction, then that's. Well. She hasn't quite noticed yet.]

( there is indeed a matching spot on the other side, a little closer to his ear, that gets much the same reaction out of him. a sharp inhale, a slight tremble. though the quiet moan that slips from his parted lips is due entirely to the motion of her hips.

his hand drops from her breast to her hip, and he pulls her in tighter to him, wanting a little more friction where he's hard under her. )

[She is absolutely memorizing those spots for future use even as she explores them now for the first time, and there's some warm feeling in her chest that's not just arousal at the thought that she can easily picture a future with him like that. Where she knows all those little things about him as well as she knows herself.

The sound of his moan and the change in the way he's holding her is what really makes her aware that she's kind of been grinding against him, and that's. Well, it's not bad or anything, but this is where she would probably be moving to something that they've already decided isn't happening tonight. Her body kind of - pauses, not sure if this is where they should disentangle a little.]

( the second he feels her pause, eddie is moving his hand back to more neutral territory. (though he's not sure anything really counts as neutral territory when she's only in her underwear.) he opens his eyes and tilts his head back down so he can get a good look at her face, trying to see if she's upset or uncomfortable. )

Buck...?

Hey.

[The truth is, Buck is actually not very good at setting boundaries in the moment. She's talked about this in therapy, how she doesn't trust her own judgment about these things because, when it comes down to it, her judgment has actually been pretty awful. It's part of why the plan of action she'd come up with had included deciding where they are in advance, when her head's clearer.

She still has to breathe through the urge to say fuck it and ignore all that careful thinking she's done because she knows that's not a good idea.] I'm okay. Just, maybe we should back off a little for a sec?

( he gives her a small smile, gently rubbing at the ball of her shoulder. ) Whatever you need, baby.

( even if this is as far as they end up getting tonight, he's happy. just getting to touch her this much, to see her this much, is more than he thought he might get this soon. and, y'know, he's proud of her for acknowledging she needs a breather. )

[It's not that she'd expected him to react badly or anything - she's trusted him to have her back in much higher stakes situations than this - but his answer still settles something inside her. She climbs out of his lap but doesn't go far at all, just tucks herself into the warmth of his side. That way she can still be close to him without it feeling quite so sexual.]

( eddie lays back on the mattress, tucking one arm behind his head. the other he keeps around buck, palm curled around the ball of her shoulder. it's maybe a little awkward laying with his legs mostly hanging off the edge of the bed, but. it's nice, too. having her curled against him. he tilts his chin to he can kiss the crown of her head. )

[This is - it’s nice. Cozy, even if she still feels a bit bad about having put a halt to things for this. It’s stupid, having a gorgeous, mostly naked guy in her bed and she has to put on the breaks.] Sorry.

You have nothing to apologize for. ( no, really. this was always a possibility. ) We knew going into this that we've both got stuff to work through. You need to stop, we stop. No questions asked, no apology needed.

( eddie rubs at her upper arm in what he hopes is a soothing gesture. he doesn't want this to be something she stresses over. maybe tonight was a bust, but that doesn't mean they're never going to get there. though--he would still be happy to be with her even if they did end up never having sex. )

I don't think we have to stop for the rest of the night?

[Well. She hopes they don't have to stop for the rest of the night. It's not what she was thinking when she called for them to take a moment, even if now she feels sort of weird about it.]

( he kisses the top of her head again. ) Okay. Whenever you're ready, then.

( in the meantime, he's content to snuggle. though he knows buck is probably going to feel awkward about this, so... he gives her upper arm a small squeeze, then places his hand on her waist. )

... You're not ticklish, are you?

Not really?

[She tilts her head and narrows her eyes a little. Because if he's planning to do something that involves tickling, then they might be done with this for the night after all.] Why?

( he was absolutely going to see if she's ticklish. but that idea is going sailing out the window the second she gives him a look. )

Just wanted to make sure I didn't startle you. Your knee is kinda close to my dick.

Good call. [She might not be sure she believes him, but he does deserve acknowledgment for reading the room and immediately dropping the idea if that was the case.] Kneeing it by accident was absolutely not in the plans I had for your dick tonight.

( he laughs. ) Good! I really didn't want to have to put ice on my crotch tonight.

( see, they're all good. the sexy mood may be gone, but the night's not ruined. if she wants to pick things up again she can, but eddie's pretty sure she's not worrying about it right now. )

That'd probably make it the worst case of blue balls I've ever given someone.

[Because blue = cold = ice makes them cold? She's doing great at this.]

( oh, hey, what do you know, it's possible to laugh and wince at the same time. )

Oh, god. Don't make me think about frostbitten balls. ( his hard-on is already gone, you don't have to try and kill it more. )

[Yeah, that's. That's definitely not a sexy thought, he's right.]

Sorry. [She gives him an apologetic kiss on the cheek.]

I forgive you. ( but he is going to tilt her chin up so he can give her a proper kiss. )

Good.

[Because if he’s going to kiss her, then she’s going to twist around so she can lie on top of him and maybe start things up again.]

( oh! well. he's certainly not toing to protest that. in fact, he gets back into it pretty quick. hard not to when he can feel her pressed so close to him, all that skin on skin.

he tangles one hand in her hair, kissing her back enthusiastically. maybe nipping gently at her bottom lip. )

[Is she starting this up again too fast? Maybe. Who knows. She just knows that he was looking all gorgeous and his lips were on hers and she wanted to be closer to him again, wanted to have him under her.

She grins into the kiss before slipping her tongue past his lips. Maybe this wasn't too early. She's definitely feeling pretty good about it already.]

( any thoughts eddie had about making sure buck was good before they got back into this--hell, any thought in general--have all flown out of his head. he's too preoccupied with buck's breasts against his chest, her tongue in his mouth, and just how quickly all the blood in his body is flowing down south.

he palms her ass with one hand, pulling her against him just that little bit more. like if he holds on tight enough they might be able to eliminate all the space between their atoms, like nothing else is close enough. )

[And any worries that Buck had about having permanently ruined the mood for the night are pretty much gone now. It’s clear that, brief pause aside, Eddie’s very much ready to go again, and that does settle something in her chest.

It also kind of makes her want to push things a bit further now.] - So did you still want to be introduced to some of the Buckley Toy Collection?

( he's so caught up in the moment that, when she pulls back, eddie instinctively follows her for a second. and then the words she's saying sink in. )

Yeah, definitely. ( it's only a fantasy literally come to life. no big deal. )

Good.

[She has to climb off him and stretch a bit to reach the nightstand where said collection lives, but she's pretty confident that the view's fantastic and he's not gonna mind. The location of the Collection(TM) isn't hidden, exactly, but the drawer is kind of fancy and doesn't actually look like a drawer. It doesn't have a handle, it's just smooth wood that you press inwards to unlatch, and she might have picked this nightstand primarily because it makes her feel like she's a secret agent accessing a hidden compartment for secret documents or something.

After a second, she comes out with a blue rabbit vibrator and a bottle of lube. Given that she is definitely extremely wet at this point, she probably won't need the latter for herself, but it's there if Eddie needs it, too.]

( it is indeed a very nice view, and eddie is extremely appreciative. it's about to get even better, though, and he is very much ready for it. eventually, he'll probably snag the lube and make use of it, but for now he's just... stroking himself through the thin cotton of his boxer briefs as he watches her get situated.

though after a moment, he thinks better of it, and reaches out to hook a finger around the waistband of her panties. )

Off?

[Once she has what she wanted, she settles back in against his side because she can't exactly be on top of him for this part, but she still wants to be close.] Yeah.

[She was going to pull them off herself, but if he wants to help - she wriggles her hips a little, getting ready to make it easier on him to slide them off.]

( yes, he definitely would like to help. he tugs her panties down and tosses them off to the side, in the general direction of wherever her bra went. ~~hopefully not over the side of the loft.~~ his own underwear follows quickly after.

and then it's just... her. them. touching as much as they can side by side. and he can't stop looking at her. the pink of her nipples, the curve of her hip, the glisten between her thighs. he's gotta get a hand on himself at the sight. give himself a little pressure, a little relief. )

[She watches, absolutely shameless, when he pulls off his own underwear, because she was absolutely not kidding when she said she wanted to see him get himself off. And she's not disappointed by the sight of his dick, curving nicely upwards towards his stomach, to the point where she has to take a second to remind herself, again, that she's not jumping ahead of herself with him. If she does this right, then she has a whole lifetime to become intimately acquainted with his dick.

For now, she takes the vibrator, not turned on yet, and drags it lightly through her folds, getting it nice and wet to start with.]

( it's a little crazy how turned on he feels watching someone else get teased. or maybe it still counts as teasing him even though it's her body? either way, eddie's eyes are glued to the sight of that vibe moving up and down, getting slicker with each pass. he wants to see it inside her. wants to hear the sound she makes when she turns the motor on.

he also wants things a little slicker on his end, so he pauses and fumbles around for the bottle of lube, squirting a little into his palm before he takes himself in hand again. )

[For all that Buck's had a lot of experience with sex, this somehow feels a bit new to her. Which - it sort of is. Most of her experience is with one-night stands, and those partners pretty much all wanted something more hands-on than watching each other get off. Much as she looks forward to feeling what it's like to have his hands on her like this, there's something incredibly intoxicating about being the focus of his attention like this, about watching him stroke himself and knowing it's for her.

Part of the reason she picked the vibrator she's using is because it has a lot of fun pre-set speeds to play with, and when she decides it's slick enough, she turns it on to a low pulse, her breath hitching softly as she rests it against her clit.]

( if ever anyone had asked eddie, he probably would have guessed that buck would be a talker in bed. or at least vocal. the fact that she's not--or isn't yet--is kind of turning him on. he can tell her reactions are real. she's not playing it up or anything, not faking. that little catch in her breathing, how wet she's getting, the way her muscles tense... god, it's captivating.

part of eddie wants to just sit here and watch her. make note of all the ways she touches herself and how she reacts. not even pay attention to himself. and maybe someday they'll end up doing that, but right now he is so fucking hard he doesn't think he could take his hand off his dick even if he really wanted to. and most of him doesn't want to.

he swirls his thumb over the head of his cock on the upstroke, letting his eyes flutter closed for a moment with pleasure. he keeps the pace of his hand slow. normally, he doesn't have the time to draw things out when he gets himself off. nine times out of ten he settles for a quick jerk in the shower where clean up is easy and the sound of the water muffles and hitches in his breath. getting a chance to revel in the feeling is, he has to say, almost as good as getting to open his eyes again and see buck right there with him.

almost. )

[Any other time, she probably would be playing up a tendency to be noisy, but that feels almost fake and she doesn't want that right now. She's liking the relative quiet, the slick sounds of Eddie's hand stroking himself and the soft buzz of her vibrator. It's realer than the porn star moans or the kind of dirty talk Buck 1.0 might've engaged in.

Buck tilts her head so she can watch more comfortably, tucking away some notes in the back of her mind about what he's doing because she's definitely getting her hands on him at some point, and she wants to have an idea of what he likes already. In the meantime, she drifts from teasing her clit with the vibrator to teasing her entrance, not lasting very long before it nudges inside. She hisses in a breath and lets out a quiet fuck - truthfully, it's just a little on the large side to be taking without prepping herself with a couple fingers or something smaller first, but she knows from experience that she'll adjust quickly once it's all the way in.]

( his gaze, which has more or less been fixed between her legs, flies up to buck's face with that hissed inhale. just for a second. then he's looking back down and groaning a little at the sight of it just barely sinking into her cunt. )

Jesus, Buck. ( eddie gives the head of his cock a little squeeze before stroking down again. the angle they're laying at is a little awkward, so he pauses to turn onto his side. this way he can prop himself up on his clean hand and lean over to kiss her with his dick still in the lubed up one. and kiss her he does. a little sloppy, a little quick. but he can't just not. )

[When she moans into his mouth, it's very much real and not her just making noise for his benefit. She keeps pushing forwards with the vibrator, steadily taking it in until it's as far as it will go. The outer part just nudges against her clit, and she lets go of it for a moment, just letting herself feel it. Since Eddie's helpfully moved a bit, she splays her now-free hand against his chest, a finger dangerously close to his pec as she contemplates finding out if his nipples are as sensitive as hers.]

( truth is, eddie's never really had occasion to find out if his nipples are very sensitive. he didn't think about it, and by the time he and shannon got comfortable enough with sex to experiment, their relationship was too rocky to really do so. they stuck to the things they'd figured out in their teenage fumblings and perfected those. none of which involved eddie's nipples.

her hand on his chest feels good. it's not a particularly sensitive spot, but everything about touching and being touched feels good right now. her fingers dragging across his nipple? that gets a surprised moan out of him. it's like there's a direct line from the nerves there down to his dick. they're not overly sensitive like certain spots on his neck and inner thighs, but damn. that feels good.

why has he never played with his nipples before? )

[It's a very promising reaction, enough so that Buck wants to explore further. Getting her mouth on his nipple requires twisting her head at kind of an awkward angle, but it's more than worth it to satisfy her very scientific curiosity about what happens if she sucks on it gently.]

( it pulls another noise from his throat that eddie finds himself instinctually muffling by hiding his face in his arm. he bites at his lower lip and reminds himself he doesn't actually need to be quiet. not here.

and, y'know... he's curious. so he turns his face back towards buck and asks, ) Little harder?

[Buck grins wickedly at him.] You don't have to be quiet, you know. I mean, maybe don't scream, I do have neighbors, but...

[And because he asked so nicely, she is doing it again, harder, this time with a hint of teeth scraping against it.]

Hey, you'd be quiet too if--ohfuck. ( the harder suck is nice but the teeth send a bright spark zipping through him. )

Wait, c'mere. ( he's loathe to separate from buck, but he does it for a moment, laying on his back again and wrapping his free arm around her. ) I want you closer.

If what? [She's absolutely feeling smug about tugging that noise from him, and she's loathe to detach her mouth now that she's found something to explore, but being close is good, too. She reminds herself that she'll have plenty of time to explore his body later.

So she goes along with the re-arrangement, her head resting against his chest again. She sucks in a breath when the movement changes the way the vibrator rests inside her and splays her legs a bit wider as she adjusts it.]

( hey, she can keep playing with his nipples any time she wants. holding himself up on one arm was just getting awkward. and he'd answer her question, but any thought about it sails over the loft railing as she adjusts her vibrator. in fact, he lets go of his cock and reaches for her, stopping short of actually touching the toy rumbling away inside her. )

Can I...? ( if she still wants to get herself off, that's fine. but he kinda wants to get a hand on it and see what makes her squirm. )

[She's - quiet, for a moment. Her libido definitely wants her to say yes, absolutely, but it's the kind of question that Newer, Better Buck has to check in with herself about.]

- Okay. [She's pretty sure it is. She's also pretty sure that if it isn't, and she says stop, he will.]

( he gently takes the end of the vibrator in hand and tilts it. the rabbit end presses a little more against her clit as the other pulls out just enough to feel the motion. and then he's pressing it back into her, watching her reactions the whole time. )

Eddie... [It's sighed out as her hips tilt a bit to meet the motion he's started. It feels good, sends a little spark of electricity down her spine and a hunger for more. Which could be dangerous, given that she's noticed he took his hand off his dick to do this and she's maybe reconsidering how hands-off she wants to be with that tonight.]

( maybe it's cliche, but eddie loves the way she sighs his name. kinda wants her to do it again. he rocks the vibrator out and back in again. again. his hand finds a steady rhythm and he wants--god, he wants so many things. but most of all he wants to watch her feel good. wants to see the pleasure build and build until she comes.

articulating that's a little difficult, though, when most of the blood in his body is in his dick instead of his brain, and he's so focused on her. )

Hold it with me. ( he says after a moment. ) Show me how you usually use this. I want to make you feel good.

Okay.

[She places a hand over his, and there's an intense awareness at that moment that their hands are not the same size; it's not like she wasn't aware of that, but there's a difference between knowing it and being viscerally reminded when her hand isn't big enough to cover his hold on her vibrator.

God, she's going to need this man to finger her. It's that thought that has her sliding her thumb down to where the controls are and switching the setting to something still on the low side but steady instead of pulsing.]

( pretty much all eddie's brain power is focused on memorizing the pressure and speed she moves things at. keeps note of it for the future where he hopefully gets to finger her and put his mouth on her some day, make her come like that. he's so focused that he doesn't even think twice about opening his mouth and talking, filter absolutely gone. )

You're so beautiful. Wish I could see you like this all the time.

[She laughs at that, warm and more than a bit breathless. It's not like she's never been called beautiful before, but a lot of times it felt performative, buttering her up to get in her pants. Not this, Eddie saying it like he's forgotten how to keep his thoughts inside his head.]

Think the crew'd probably object. [Is she turning it into a joke because she's not sure what else to do with that? Maybe. Things with Eddie are just... a lot more than she's used to from previous relationships, a lot more loaded with meaning and history.]

( he chokes out a laugh, hiding his (very warm) face in her shoulder. ) You know what I mean, you smartass. ( he's not being literal!! just... a little drunk on her and this whole situation. )

You love my smart ass. [And she is feeling incredibly smug about it, and happy enough to tease him even when he's (semi-)controlling the vibrator inside her. And fond enough to kiss his forehead while he's hiding his face away.]

Yeah, I do. ( eddie tilts his head back up to press his lips to hers in a rather heated open-mouthed kiss. he loves every bit of her. so much so that sometimes it makes his chest ache with it. at least in moments like these he can actually express it and also doesn't necessarily have to do so with words either. )

Softie. [Not that she's complaining at all. Her hand over his on the vibrator starts moving it a bit faster, and she moans into the kiss, her hips rocking into the movement.]

( well, there's a part of him that's very much not soft that he has been kind of ignoring for a bit. but with buck moaning and her hips meeting the movement of their hands, he kind of can't help but echo her. both with a noise of pleasure and with his own hips rocking in little movements that rub his cock against her hip. he's not fully aware of the fact that he's essentially rubbing off on her, too focused on the kiss and keeping things going with the vibrator. )

Edited (whoops forgot an icon) 2025-02-28 01:14 (UTC)

[This wasn't part of her plan, but then, neither was letting him help her with the vibrator. And really, it's getting increasingly difficult to think of any reason she shouldn't touch him back. Her free hand stills him before coming to rest close enough that there's barely an inch of space between her fingers an the base of his dick.

She raises her gaze to him, silently asking for permission.]

Please. ( he rests his forehead against hers and gives a little nod. he would really love to have her hand on his dick. maybe it's not the original plan but... so long as they're okay there's nothing wrong with a little spontaneity. )

[She's more tentative to start with than she's probably been in... ever, really, just holding him in her hand and feeling him at first. Truth is, she really does like giving handjobs and blowjobs and all the fun, messy parts of sex. It's a piece of why everything got so out of hand.

Her grip tightens as she starts actually moving her hand, still going a bit slow while she explores.]

( it's been--a long time since someone gave him a handjob. hell, since someone touched him with any kind of intent. her hand on his cock makes him tremble, just a little, and rock up into her grasp. )

Little--little bit tighter.

[Well, now her reputation's at stake.

She tightens her grip as requested and thinks back to how he was touching himself before he got distracted, aiming to more or less replicate that and go from there.]

( he moans and rocks his hips in counterpoint to her hand and--this might not last as long as he'd like it to. not if she's been paying attention to him the same way he's been memorizing what makes her feel good. )

Fuck, that feels so good, Buck. ( he's breathless and full of endorphins and god he loves this woman so much. good feels like an understatement. ) Almost too good.

Is that a problem? [She's teasing and breathless, because while her attention's shifted some from her own pleasure to his, she still feels good. And she wants him to feel good, too, which is why she's changing up her strokes a little, putting in a little twist that she hopes he'll like as much as she suspects.]

Only if you've got a problem with-- ( she twists her hand and he immediately stutters, brain going offline for a moment. ) --with this being over soon.

I could work with that. [It's not like they're planning to fuck after this. And she does really want to see him come, which is why she's using that twist again.] But I'll slow down if you want me to.

Don't you dare. ( not when he's starting to feel all the pleasure coalesce into beginnings of that final sprint to the finish line.

he keeps the hand on the vibrator rocking, determined to make sure she's not ignored even though he's definitely going to come before she does. and even though his brain is starting to narrow most of his focus in on that. that little twist of her hand is going to kill him in the best way and he muffles a moan against her skin as she does it. )

Buck, Buck...

[The feeling of the vibrator inside her has pretty much faded into the background of her mind while she focuses on Eddie. Making him come is something that calls for all of her focus, because this is going to be a beautiful memory to call upon later when she's sexually frustrated again from trying not to jump his bones.

(If she has to remind herself sternly to keep her mouth to herself because it's important that she not fuck up this relationship by going too much, too fast, that's between her and her brain alone.)]

That's it. [As a compromise to give her mouth something to do, she scrapes her teeth over that spot on his jaw earlier that had him groaning.] C'mon, I wanna see what you look like when you come.

( that spot gets a strangled noise out of him this time, and him thrusting into her grip just a little bit harder. it doesn't take much longer after that. eddie can feel all his muscles tightening, everything in him reaching, reaching, reaching--every exhale carries with it a quiet noise that he can't entirely muffle. his hand spasms around buck's where they grip the vibrator.

when he comes, it's completely silent, his teeth digging into his lower lip out of habit. )

[She can tell he's trying not to make too much noise, which is a bit disappointing, but that's okay. It's not like she can expect him to let go of all inhibitions in one go, and it's both comforting and exciting to think that they're gonna have time to work on that.

In the meantime, she's taking in the way all his muscles tense in the lead-up to his orgasm, the look on his face. It's as hot as she'd imagined - better, really, because her imagination could never make it this real. She strokes him through it, keeping a close eye out for the moment it looks like he's getting oversensitive. When she takes her hand away, she absently sucks a couple of her fingers into her mouth to clean the come off them; just because she decided blowing him tonight was beyond what was okay to do doesn't mean she shouldn't get to taste.]

( it's one hell of a good orgasm. it leaves him panting and trembling in the aftermath, a smile of pure euphoria slowly stretching across his face. it's been a while since he's felt this good. sure, he gets himself off on the regular and the orgasms are never bad, but... it's different with someone else. especially someone he loves.

eddie's about to say something, maybe offer to get his own hands involved with getting buck off, but when he opens his eyes and catches sight of her licking her hand, every single coherent thought is suddenly missing. he's just--glued to the sight of her fingers in her mouth and his spend on her hand. )

Jesus fuck.

[It's not that Buck loves the taste of come or anything, but it exists on a spectrum, like a lot of things. There've been some people whose come she would've rather gargled acid than swallowed, and some people whose come actually tasted pretty good. She's happy to find that Eddie's much more on the latter end of the spectrum than the former, which is why she just goes ahead and finishes cleaning it off her hand.

And then just blinks at him because for once, she hadn't been thinking of putting on a show or anything and hadn't been thinking about the fact that licking a guy's come off yourself looks sort of. Obscene.]

( the surprise quickly turns to a small smile. one that slowly grows until, as buck blinks at him, eddie is suppressing laughter. it's really something to see buck--who absolutely knows she's good looking and how to use it--do something so sexual and attractive without realizing it. it's almost the perfect "in a nutshell" example of the duality of evan buckley, really. )

[Well, that's. That's not how she expected him to react? There's definitely weirder and worse emotional reactions after an orgasm to have, but she wasn't expecting him to look like he's about two seconds away from laughing.]

What?

Nothing, just-- ( he hesitates for a moment, not wanting this to be seen as a reaction to just the orgasm. ) I love you.

I love you, too. [She presses a kiss against the corner of his mouth because maybe she's not aware enough to have thought about what she was doing earlier, but it does occur to her that her mouth probably tastes like his come now, and that's not everyone's thing.]

( it's maybe not his thing, so to speak, but he doesn't mind it. so he turns his head a little and catches her lips in an actual kiss. and then--well. )

Now it's your turn.

Yeah?

[She'd gotten herself a bit twisted around for a better angle (and view) when she was jerking him off, so she has to un-twist and get comfortable again. At some point, she'd taken her hand off the vibrator, too, and when she puts her hand back on it this time, she's not really guiding him, just resting it there.]

( with a smirk, he starts moving the vibrator again, at about the same pace they were before. ) Yeah.

( and then, because he really wants to touch her some more but also doesn't want to push her boundaries, he starts kissing his way from her shoulder, down her chest. he presses the softest, chastest kiss possible to her nipple, looking up at her as he does so, just to be a little shit. )

[It's not that she'd stopped feeling the vibrator while she was otherwise occupied so much as she wasn't paying attention to it. When it starts moving again, it drags her attention back to how good it was feeling pretty damn quick. For now, she mostly lets him keep control of it, though she does up the vibration level while he's kissing his way down her chest.

She huffs a breath and almost rolls her eyes at him when he gets his mouth over her nipple and only barely touches it. What a little shit, indeed.]

( he snickers but also stops being annoying. as much as he's enjoying the fact that they can have fun in bed, he does actually want to get her off. he flicks his tongue over her nipple, then gently sucks it into his mouth. with everything else, he's trusting buck to know what feels good and to move his hand (and subsequently the vibe) if she wants something different.

after a moment, he lifts his head to ask-- ) How do you feel about hickies?

[Her breath catches again when he starts playing with her nipple in earnest, and her hips rock upwards into the motion of the vibrator.]

Nowhere I'd have to explain at work.

[That is not a conversation she wants to have with Bobby. Or teasing she wants to get from Chim or Hen. Aside from that, the idea of having visible proof on her body of Eddie is really appealing.]

'Course not. ( because then he would also have to explain them and no one wants to see that.

but there's something very appealing about the idea of leaving a few small marks on her chest. things the two of them will know about and no one else will. proof this happened. proof he was here. and so that's what he does--he alternates between paying her nipples attention and sucking a few small marks on the sides of her breasts. )

[While he's busy paying her breasts the attention that they so clearly deserve - she has nice tits and she is aware of that - she guides his hand and the vibrator into something a bit more intense. The hitched breaths and gasps give way to actual moaning, too; nothing fake or theatrical, though she might be intentionally letting loose more than she would alone because she's still aware of him watching and listening.]

( eddie had a feeling buck would look and sound amazing in bed. and he was right. he's intent on her every sound and flicker of expression. and while he's not good with the whole dirty talk thing, he can't help but ask-- ) You getting close? ( --as he moves from one nipple to the other. )

Yeah. [She might've drawn this out a bit more another time, but she's not feeling very patient now, not with the molten pleasure between her legs taking over her body. Buck tugs at him, pulling him up from her chest for a filthy, open-mouthed kiss while she straight-up grinds the vibrator against her g-spot.]

( he will never say no to filthy, open-mouthed kisses. even when she still tastes a little like spunk. especially not when tugging him up when they're both undressed means she probably pulled on his hair a bit.

gently sucking at her bottom lip, eddie keeps up the pressure on her g-spot with the vibe. part of him is tempted to hit the button and see what changing the speed would do, but he doesn't want to throw her off when she's this close to coming. )

Come on, baby. ( he mumbles it between kisses. ) Let go for me?

[His reaction to her tugging him up by the hair is definitely more interested than she expected, and what tiny piece of her brain is still able to pay attention to things makes a note of that for the future. The rest of her is just - fully lost in how fucking good she’s feeling, in finally getting to actually come with Eddie instead of to a fantasy of him.

When it happens, it’s a lot more… wet… than she expected. And it’s kind of too late to do anything about that, so she just accepts it, squirting messily as she comes and accepting that some laundry is absolutely in her very near future.]

Fuck. [it’s like… 95% because of the orgasm, 5% because that’s going to be a pain to clean up.]

( well. that explains the firehose nickname.

eddie's a little startled by the, ah, wetness of it all, especially since his hand ends up fairly damp. he pulls away from the kiss abruptly to watch buck come and--wow. that's. that's really hot. he wants to figure out how exactly he made that happen. especially because-- ) I thought that only happened in porn.

( the second the words are out of his mouth, he's cringing a little. ) That came out wrong.

[She's startled into giggles when that comes out of him, which only get worse when he cringes at himself. It's just - something about the way he sounds genuinely shocked.] It's fine. I've seen worse reactions.

[After the vibrator's turned off, she just. Leaves it there for now. It feels nice, especially when her cunt twitches with aftershocks.

Wry:] Guess I'm doing laundry tonight.

( he lets go of the vibrator and, after staring at his wet hand for a second, mentally shrugs and licks at it. half because he's curious and half because he wonders if buck will find it as hot as he found the reverse. )

Want some help? You don't have laundry in-unit, right?

( its only fair. he helped make the mess, after all. )

[Well.

She definitely doesn't not find that hot. Maybe not her brain stops working for a second hot, but - definitely a mental image she's going to need to revisit in some detail later.]

It's downstairs. [And while she doesn't want to reject the offer, she definitely needs some cuddling now.]

It can probably wait a bit. ( because honestly they should like. clean themselves up before they take the laundry down. and frankly eddie would also like to enjoy the afterglow.

that in mind, he reaches up and grabs a couple of buck's copious pillows and brings them closer to their heads so they can rest a little more comfortably. if there were another blanket or something around he'd grab that too. but since there's not, he'll settle for just the pillows. he lays on his back and holds an arm out in buck's direction. a clear invitation to cuddle. )

Yeah. I really do not want to get up right now.

[She is not 100% sure her legs would work anyway. Plus, if they get up, then they have to face other adult things like showers and Eddie having to leave eventually to go back to his house, and she doesn't want to.

Instead, she does a little wriggling around to get away from the wet spot and fold herself into the arm that Eddie offers her.]

Then we won't. Not yet.

( holding her close, he kisses the top of her head. in some ways, this feels almost more intimate than everything they just did. maybe it's the combination of the sex having happened and the fact that they're still naked. maybe it's the various bodily fluids starting to dry tacky on their skin. whatever it is, eddie finds himself really enjoying the fact that they can take a moment to hold each other. especially since it seems like everything went well and didn't end up triggering either of them, outside that one hiccup. )

bae wake up they dropped a new kind of mouse

What? Since when do animals drop like albums?

( pls imagine him squinting tiredly at his phone in the dark )

since scientists figured out how to make them even cuter!!

They're mice how cute can they be?

did you not see the pictures in the article??

There was an article?

( give him a sec. )

Chris can never see this.

why not?

He'd want one.

I want one!!

No.

well it's not like I expected to get one.

they're important science mice

Why are you reading about science mice at 1 am anyway? How did you get here?

is that really a question you want answered?

I'm up now might as well.

I'm cold -> ice age -> how many ice age movies were there -> did that little squirrel ever get to eat the nut -> awww he did!! -> there's going to be a new ice age movie?? -> there was an ice age movie about me??? -> why does Disney own everything now -> I should watch some Chip 'n Dale cartoons -> was the squirrel from Ice Age secretly their ancestor -> Mickey Mouse doesn't actually look that much like a mouse anymore -> Mickey's gloves were originally supposed to be yellow?? -> Mortimer Mouse would have been a terrible name for him -> oh yeah Mickey's in the public domain now -> most of the works listed on wikipedia as based on Public Domain Mickey are horror movies, why -> mice that look like Mickey -> how many types of mice are there -> THERE'S A NEW TYPE OF MOUSE?

Wait hang on go back to ice age movie about you. What does that mean?

it's me

( there's a pause before his reply comes through. )

We're very lucky that my laughter didn't wake Chris up.

guess you didn't know I'm a famed movie star

Nope. I had no clue you had a famous rodent alter ego.

it had a 19% critic score on rotten tomatoes so maybe I was just being modest

Jesus that's worse than Twilight.

I'm a cult classic too, though!

"Physicist, neurosurgeon, test pilot, and rock star" sounds more like Karen. Sorry, babe.

yeah but Karen isn't a Buckaroo??

And you're not a rocket surgeon?

I could be!!

You'd be in school for like a decade, Buck.

you don't think I could do it?

Could you do it? Yes. Would you want to do it? Hell no.

as long as we acknowledge that I could! if I put my mind to it

And had a lot of caffeine.

my brain works better on caffeine! and amphetamines. I have a doctor's note.

I know that's why I said it.

so I just need determination and drugs

This feels like a trap.

I’m not planning to do it! I just like to think that I could

You could do anything you want to.
Like sleep for instance.

sleeping?

sounds fake but ok

[text sent while he's at the movies with Chris]

you should probably ignore any texts or voicemails you received from Bobby or Athena in the last hour, I might've accidentally told him I'm pregnant

( this doesn't even get a return text it gets a phone call. ring ring, baby. )

[D E C L I N E D]

give me like five minutes, I am trying to fix this

[FULLY unaware that she just made it worse.]

PICK UP

( right now pls he's calling again. )

[OKAY. FINE.]

-obby, I promise I do not need to go to the ER 'just in case', you are way overreacting to something I didn't even meant to say! [Boy, she sure sounds like she's having a stressful conversation!!] Hi. You and Chris okay? [because why else would he need to talk to her RIGHT THIS SECOND if something had not happened at the movies.]

Buck, I need you to be a hundred percent honest with me right now. Are you or are you not actually pregnant?

( because he is PANICKING and sent chris to the little arcade area in the front of the theater while he panics about oh god did he get a girlfriend pregnant again?! )

Oh my god.

[That was the sound of her suddenly looking back on what she texted Eddie and realizing that her wording was kind of. Not as clear as it could have been.]

I am not pregnant. [That might've been addressed to both Eddie and Bobby.] I was complaining to Bobby that the doctor insisted on a pregnancy test before they would do my x-ray and wouldn't let me sign the waiver, and I tried to say it was a waste of time because I already knew the test would be negative except I accidentally wrote positive because my brain is garbage on narcotics and then I fell asleep and woke up to Bobby trying to break my door down.

Edited 2025-03-23 20:28 (UTC)

Oh my fucking god. ( he says it all real fast on one exhale as he sits down heavily on a bench in the theater's atrium. ) I think you just gave me a heart attack. Jesus Christ.

( no, but seriously, he's kind of obviously doing some shaky box breathing. this was not how he was expecting his afternoon to go. )

I'm sorry. [She honestly is. She knows what Eddie sounds like when he's freaking out, and she genuinely feels horrible about setting off Bobby and him.] I promise that is not how I would ever tell you if that actually happened. I'm just - having serious brain fog right now, I guess.

No, it's okay. That makes sense. ( he knows how she gets when she's brain foggy because of meds. ) Just--was a bit of a shock.

( deep breath in, out. in, out. )

Look, Chris and I are done here so we're going to head home in a minute. We'll talk when we get there?

Yeah. I think Bobby should be gone by the time you get here. [If that's a bit pointed and more of an instruction than anything else, well. Buck didn't exactly have a great wake-up call, either.] Once he gets over his minor heart attack.

[Gentler:] You sure you're okay?

Yeah. Yeah, I'm alright. ( he sighs quietly. ) Didn't realize how that would hit me is all.

[good good good. just feeling even more guilty now.] I really am sorry.

You don't have to be, it was an honest mistake.

( and he doesn't blame her at all. no harm, no foul. )

I'll see you in a little bit, alright?

Yeah. Love you, see you soon.

[As predicted (and low-key forced to happen), Bobby's gone by the time Christopher and Eddie arrive. Buck's set up on the couch with a blanket, still feeling a little fuzzy from the meds but considerably more alert since she accidentally caused two (2) of the most important men in her life to have mini-panic attacks. At least she didn't give Christopher one as well and make it three-for-three.

She greets Chris with a smile and listens to his brief summary of their outing and the movie they saw before he heads to his room to play video games. Once he's out of the room, she scoots around on the couch to make room for Eddie.]

Hey.

( the remnants of the mini panic attack have faded by the time they get home. eddie's just left with a little bit of an adrenaline crash and a lot to think about. he listens with a small smile as chris talks about their afternoon, but once he's in his room, eddie is moving to the couch with all speed. he wants to hold his girlfriend. )

Hey. ( he tucks himself up behind her so he can rest against the arm of the couch, legs running the length of it, and pull buck back to rest on his chest. ) So that was an adventure.

Edited 2025-03-24 01:11 (UTC)

[She’s pretty happy to snuggle into him, feel his arms around her. The misunderstanding was pretty rough on both of them, even if it was objectively her fault. Speaking of which - ] I really am sorry.

Hey, hey... ( he rubs a hand up and down her back. ) You've got nothing to be sorry for, Buck. Really.

( but he knows her and he knows that just saying that isn't reassurance enough. he kisses the top of her head before continuing. )

You didn't do it on purpose. And I was fine in less than five minutes.

Yeah, but you shouldn't have had to be not fine at all. It was such a stupid mix-up, and I just made it worse when I was trying to stop you from hearing whatever Bobby sent you without context.

[And now she's whining about herself instead of checking on how he feels. He's not supposed to be comforting her right now.] How are you?

I'm good. ( and he honestly is, now. ) I might mention this to Frank at some point, just because it caught me by surprise, but I'm good.

( and it's the kind of mistake he doesn't expect will happen ever again, so he's not even sure he needs to bring it up with frank. he probably will, just because he gets the feeling that buck will frown at him if he doesn't. but he doesn't see this as a big thing. )

You know it wasn't-- ( he pauses. huffs quietly and starts again. ) It didn't have anything to do with the idea of you being pregnant. You know that, right?

[She scrunches up her face a bit as she tilts her head to look up at him, because it's not like. Well.] Well, no one was freaking out about the idea of me not being pregnant. [So in other words, no. She's not sure what he's trying to tell her.]

( he lets his voice go soft and quiet. ) I want to have kids with you. When we're ready.

( they've talked about it briefly before in the same nebulous way they've talked about other aspects of their future together. she knows he's not just open to having more kids but hoping it happens at some point. )

It was the surprise combined with the Bobby of it all. ( that last part was something he hadn't figured out until he was in the car, driving home. having his girlfriend's father, someone he sees as a mentor and father figure sometimes, freak out about it brought him right back to age eighteen and having to tell his dad shannon was pregnant. ) I know he wouldn't be pissed if you were pregnant and that's not what his reaction was. But knowing that he stormed over here and you couldn't get rid of him or talk to me about what was going on...

( it triggered some things. )

Oh.

[Something warm blooms in her chest at the affirmation that he does want kids still, with her. Of course she knew that in general, because they'd talked about the possibility to make sure they were on the same page about things. But that was just making sure they were on the same page, not anything too real or immediate. She knows that a pregnancy scare can sometimes make a general opinion on something feel like an all-too-real reality, and not everyone feels the same way they thought they would afterwards. It's nice to hear that he still feels the same way.

She groans a little at the reminder of the Bobby of it all.] Yeah. He probably wouldn't have reacted like that, either, except he knew I was on pain meds, and I stopped responding to him because I fell asleep, which made him think something was really wrong. It was just terrible timing all around.

Yeah, I would've been pretty pissed to if the hospital put you on narcotics and you were actually pregnant. ( that is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

eddie rubs at her shoulder and gives it a small squeeze. ) Outside of all the chaos, how are you feeling?

Not too bad now, I guess.

[Tired, again, once all the excitement wore off, but she didn't want to fall asleep again before Eddie got back. Especially since the last time she took a nap was kin of terrifying interrupted.] The good news from the hospital is that my wrist looks good. Fracture's healing like it's supposed to.

That's good. ( he didn't really expect anything different because buck is generally good at not pushing herself too too far when recovering because that inevitably means more time recovering. but it's good to hear. ) Won't be long until you're back out in the field.

( and now that he says that, with the context of them having touched on the whole kids thing again, he can't help but wonder... )

If... we do have a kid. Are you gonna be okay taking time off work?

I think so.

[She absently runs her thumb along the edge of the cast on her broken wrist.] I can't promise I wouldn't feel kinda antsy, but - what usually drives me crazy about being out of work is feeling like there's something I should be doing. I think mayb growing a whole new person in my body would be doing enough?

That's probably something you should talk to Dr. Copeland about. ( but, also-- ) If it's not, we can always find things for you to do. Things that don't involve risking your life.

( eddie knows what the drive to be useful feels like, and he knows that therapy will help but won't completely eliminate that feeling. not without years worth of work, anyway. so coping mechanisms it is. )

[She huffs out a breath.] Probably. [Why does everything have to be something you need to unpack in therapy? Can a woman not simply feel like she has to earn her right to existence by being useful? Can she not just be scared that her found family of choice won't have a place for her anymore if she's not right there working with them day after day?]

Things like what?

I don't know. Maybe you volunteer. Maybe there's a position at the academy you can take for a while. ( he shrugs. ) We'll figure something out.

You think Bobby really wants me influencing the next generation of firefighters?

[It’s actually not a bad idea, so long as no one’s concerned Buck will pass on her tendency to ignore orders when they go against her instincts.]

Hell yeah. Why wouldn't he?

( sure, buck may have a reckless streak sometimes, but it's getting better the older she gets. and she's a damn good firefighter. the next generation could learn a lot from her. besides-- )

Didn't he have you helping with Ravi when he was a probie?

So I don’t infect them all with my insubordination? And I kind of took on training Ravi myself.

[Because she thought they might need a replacement for her.]

You're not actually that insubordinate. You just think you are.

( he's aware this sounds like a wild thing to say, but it's also the truth. )

[She raises her eyebrows as she turns to look at him.] Bobby has a whole speech for when I disobey his orders.

Okay, one, half the reason he lectures you like that is because he worries about ( you. this isn't really relevant to his point but is worth saying. ) Two, you only really disobey orders in certain situations.

[She's not sure why she's thinking about the lecture Bobby gave her when there was a sniper after the LAFD now.

Well. Maybe she does. Because it was different. Because his lectures haven't felt the same since. Because not even an hour ago, Bobby had showed up at her door, terrified that something was incredibly wrong because he knows Buck wouldn't mix narcotics and pregnancy on purpose otherwise.]

Not always.

( that--doesn't sound good. and honestly doesn't sound like what he knows of bobby and buck, so he has to ask: ) What do you mean?

I don't know. Just - [She presses a palm against her forehead, just for the pressure to focus on. Is this even something she wants to talk about right now? They've already had one harrowing conversation.] I don't know.

Buck... ( he's worried, now. because this whole conversation has gone somewhere he didn't expect and whatever it is she's talking about doesn't sound good. ) Talk to me?

[They should talk about it, right? Dr. Copeland would definitely recommend having this discussion, has recommended it. And maybe it makes sense to have it now, when they were talking about the possibility of her carrying around a new life in her body.]

- It was after you were shot. When you were still in the hospital.

( eddie pauses to think about that. figure out if he knows what she's referencing. and it hits him pretty quickly--he bets he does. )

With the crane? ( he's careful to keep his tone even, despite the fact that thinking about what he heard about that call makes him a little anxious. )

Yeah.

I went to Bobby afterward cause I knew he was pissed but he didn't pull me aside like he usually does. He pretty much told me that he'd given up trying to get me to stop going full Buck because it wasn't gonna happen, and he all but called me suicidal to my face.

[And okay, maybe that framing is not... exactly how the conversation went, but it was in there.]

( eddie takes a moment to digest that before asking, quietly, ) Were you? Suicidal.

[She wants to say no. She wants to say of course not. She wants to say I was just doing my job. But Dr. Copeland has been slowly easing her head around the possibility that Buck's tried to die before, so that she can find ways to recognize it if it happens again.]

- Things are good now.

( that's not at all what he asked, but it's also enough of an answer that eddie immediately knows that buck was, indeed, a little suicidal. even if she can't admit it. he holds her a little tighter and takes a moment to just breathe her in. )

That's probably why that was different.

Yeah. [She swallows. Takes a moment herself to breathe and feel the way that he's holding onto her.

Softly:] Things were good for Maddie, too, until being pregnant with Jee fucked her up. [It's not really something that had been a part of their talks about the possibility of having a kid together, not yet. God, she didn't even know she was worried about it until just now, basically.]

Knowing PPD is a possibility means that we're prepared to treat it. ( he kisses the top of her head again. ) If that's a risk you want to take.

( because at the end of the day, buck is the one who has final say on if or when they have more kids. or if they try for biological kids versus something like adoption. )

It is. [She knows that for certain. She does want to make a kid with Eddie. She wants Christopher to have a little sibling.] I just - I don’t think I thought about what could go wrong until now.

( he nods, but is quiet for a moment, clearly thinking. )

Would it help to do some research on it?

Probably. Yeah.

[Well, assuming she doesn’t fall into a Research Spiral(TM).]

Then we'll do some research.

( because he plans to be there every step of the way. she's not alone in this, and eddie absolutely wants to be as prepared as possible for if she does end up with a case of PPD, or a pregnancy complication, or whatever. because he loves her. and because he wasn't there for shannon; not at the end of her pregnancy and not when she started realizing that something was wrong with chris. that--haunts him a little. )

I think we're going to learn, just - a ton of weird and gross stuff.

[She managed to stop herself from the full deep dive when it came to Maddie's pregnancy, but she knows there's a lot of terrifying weird shit that happens even in a good pregnancy.]

Can't be weirder and grosser than some of the stuff we've seen on the job.

( he says this with nonchalant confidence but he is actually wondering if it's true. )

I feel pretty confident it can be.

[She has heard of some things that she didn't want to know the details of at the time.]

Guess we'll find out.

( oh, he's going to be so weirded out later and will be eating his words. )

[ There's a call that comes in, and Eddie should be worried, because it's not on facetime.

This should be in person. This shouldn't be a call. But he doesn't trust himself to drive all the way to Texas right now, and he knows he could crash on Eddie's couch but he doesn't really have a place to stay, and his team's short-staffed, and and and-

- And the whole world feels like it's spinning, every time Buck catches a breath. He's angry, and he's sad, and he didn't say I love you back. At the time, he'd felt it be too real, like saying the words would cement Bobby's fate. All he had to do was survive, and come out of those doors, and Buck would have told him.

He shouldn't have waited.

He feels like he's going to be sick, but he presses the call button, and waits. ]

( it's a little weird that eddie hasn't heard from buck at all, but he just figures that means it's been a busy shift. maybe someone made the mistake of saying quiet again. point is--eddie's aware of the fact that something's probably keeping his best friend from their usual living virtually in each other's pockets, but he's not worried about it.

he spends his day driving people around. has dinner with chris that's pretty good, if he does say so himself. they watch an episode of some tv show chris is really getting into before he has to remind his kid--his teen--that he's gotta get some sleep if he doesn't want to be trashed for school the next day.

it's late but not late-late when his phone rings. at first, eddie sighs as he goes to grab his phone. if it's ringing, it's probably his mother. facetime calls sound different. but it's buck's name and picture flashing on his phone. huh. )

Hey, man. Long shift?

[ There's a silence, at first, as Buck tries to pull himself together. But Eddie could read his sighs and silences, and he can probably hear how Buck frowns and how his nose flares, the way it does when he's trying to keep himself from getting emotional. ]

I, uh. Yeah.

[ He clears his throat, but his voice cracks again almost immediately. It's punctuated with a sniff; he's been crying. That much is obvious with the depth and hoarseness of his voice, with the deliberate slowness of his words as if he's trying to force them out. ]

Are you sitting down? Chris isn't with you?

[ There's a shuffle of cloth as he wipes his eyes. Maybe he should have waited, but Eddie deserves to know. Eddie deserved to be here, in person, to radio in and say goodbye, to give him his last words in passing. Or maybe Buck's just feeling guilty again, about what he said, about how he couldn't muster a response to I love you, kid.

He looks up and chokes back his tears. ]

Don't get him.

( the silence tells him something is wrong. the way buck sniffles after that tells him everything he needs to know about what happened. buck's the type to cry at reunion videos, and animal shelter commercials, and when he gets incredibly emotional. but only one of those would result in a call like this, to eddie, combined with a request that he sit down and not get chris.

it almost feels like his legs go out from under him a little as he slumps onto his arm chair. he balances with his phone gripped tightly in both hands, his elbows resting on his knees as he leans over. he wonders--briefly--if this overwhelming wave of knowing dread is how shannon felt when she found out he'd been shot in afghanistan. )

Who-- ( eddie has to pause and clear his throat, try and get some of the lump out of it. ) Who is it?

[ He takes a deep breath, because he can't bring himself to say the words out loud, like the coroner might call and say it was all a mistake if he just delays this long enough. He tries to work up to it, and hopefully Eddie forgives him for prolonging telling him. Because he feels like he needs to explain, because he feels like he'd give anything right now for someone else to be the one telling Eddie this, at the same time that he wouldn't want Eddie to find out from anyone other than someone from the 118, and he's not foisting the responsibility onto Hen or Chim or Ravi. ]

We were on a call. And there was an explosion, and the team was exposed to a disease.

[ He pauses then, because he suddenly feels like he's gotten all the air punched out of his lungs. ]

And Chim was in a really bad state, and me and Athena were chasing down the scientist to get the antidote.

[ His voice just keeps getting higher and more panicked as he continues, and it's not helping to recount the story because he feels like he's reliving it, now. Rushing Athena to her car, the helicopter chase, calling Tommy and cashing in a huge favor on a credit line he didn't even have anymore, all that feels like a lifetime or a dream ago. ]

And um -

[ His breathing staggers now, and he swallows down a cry, but the noise still escapes. ]

- There was only one dosage.

[ The way he says that is almost questioningly, like he's trying to explain it to himself, why they couldn't save everybody. ]

So we gave it to Chim, and we... walked out.

[ He remembers how fucking victorious he felt, getting his team out of there, not bothering to notice why or how Bobby fell back to the end of the line. Buck had been the first one out, and he'd wanted to be the last one out, and he might've seen it happening if he hadn't been so fucking relieved. ]

And Bobby closed the door. He, um.

[ Spent his last words to Buck consoling him.

Told him his team needed him.

Asked him to get Athena.

Ordered him out becuse he wanted to spend his last moments with his wife.

Said, I love you, kid. ]

He didn't make it.

[ He's saying this through tears now, the words catching in his throat, the sound ugly and raw. ]

( every word buck gets out feels like a weight bearing down on eddie's shoulders. he finds himself curling in more and more as the story comes out until he's almost completely bent over his knees. the phone shakes. he can't get his hands to stop trembling and no matter how much he screws his face up, he can't stop tears from spilling over.

bobby is dead.

his captain, his mentor, a man who has been there for him through some of the absolute worst moments of eddie's life, is dead. and eddie wasn't there. he should've been there. )

Is-- ( eddie sniffs, clears his throat, and tries again. ) Is Chim gonna be alright?

( are they in danger of losing someone else too? because if they are, eddie doesn't think he's going to be able to handle that well. he's already barely hanging on to his composure, metaphorical fingernails about to give. )

[ He can almost feel Eddie on the other side of the line, can almost see his face. It's rare that Eddie cries, and every time he does, it breaks Buck's heart and makes him feel so helpless. This time, he can't find any words of consolation that don't feel as hollow as the wound currently gnawing at his chest.

Thankfully, Eddie asks him a question so he doesn't have to scramble for the words he so needs to find. ]

He's-- yeah. They're gonna keep him for observation.

[ Another hard sniffle, and his voice is wobbly, threatening to break. ]

But he's in recovery.

[ And isn't that at least something? Bobby got to save him, got to sacrifice himself so that Chim's new baby might get a fighting chance to meet his father. ]

Maddie's with him now.

[ Of course Buck wouldn't have chosen for Chim to die over Bobby, but if he'd gotten his choice, he would've gone for either of them. And Eddie had once said that Buck wasn't as expendable as he'd thought of himself, but compared to the cost of losing Bobby, it's no contest.

The thought is an ugly one, but he'll have to forgive himself the transgression when the other looming thought is how empty and alone he feels. ]

I'll let you know when the funeral is, I--

[ -- He doesn't finish, shaky breath giving way to sobs, curling up on himself trying to become as small as possible so he doesn't have to look at the room he's in right now. They're four walls that if they could talk, would tell only stories of Eddie and Chris. It feels wrong right now that they're not here; for the first time in weeks he feels like he's intruding in his own home. ]

[Look.

Buck knew this day would come. It had to, realistically, especially when she started having trouble fitting in her pants. And it didn't happen overnight, but still, somehow it just - looks a lot bigger this morning than it did last night. And yeah, Eddie's shift is done in an hour and she could leave it til then, but instead, he's getting a picture of her poking lightly at her stomach. The baby bump is mostly just a rounding of her stomach right now, but it's noticeable.

baby Diaz is fighting my jeans and winning

( there's a bit of delay in reply--not much, just a couple second longer than eddie might usually take--because he's too busy making heart eyes at the picture to digest the text attached. and then he's not exactly sure what the right kind of response is. he'd ask the rest of a-shift for their opinions if he didn't think they'd razz him for it. )

Sounds like a good excuse to go shopping?

even if I make you come with me for moral support?

Yes? Seems only fair since I am the one who got you pregnant.

okay

true

later today, then? I do need jeans that baby Diaz will let me get over my waist

Sure. We can go while Chris is at school.

We really need something to call them other than just 'baby Diaz'.

well

They’re supposed to be about the size of a mango this week

so they could be baby mango

Wouldn't we have to change their nickname every week then?

yeah but it’s cute

This is true. Mango it is.

how’s your shift going?

It's been pretty quiet. Nothing big.

( she's not missing out on anything. )

oh my god Eddie you can’t just use that word!!!

The "curse" extends to writing now?

it’s a jinx and it might!!

We're fine Buck. Nothing's happened.

yet

if you’re late coming home because it gets busy out of nowhere, we know whose fault it is

I'm not gonna be late.

I’ll believe it when I see it

I'll see you in forty minutes.

<3

Late or not, he’s going to find her having accidentally fallen asleep in bed after slipping on a pair of comfy sweatpants. Growing a baby takes a lot of energy, what can she say.

He's not actually late. There weren't any more calls before the end of shift, which Eddie is taking as proof the "jinx" isn't actually real. Not that he's going to tell Buck that right now. He knows better than to argue with a pregnant woman, even jokingly.

Besides, it would ruin the softness of the moment he steps into when he finds her in bed. The sunlight streaming through the window paints her in warm yellows, makes her hair seem like it's glowing a little. Buck might be a little frustrated with her body right now, but to Eddie? She looks as beautiful as ever. He almost doesn't want to wake her. Especially since she looks so cozy. But she's gonna kick herself if she sleeps the whole day away.

"Hey," he says quietly, kneeling at the edge of the bed and running a gentle hand over her hair. "Time to wake up, baby."

"Hmm?"

Buck stirs at his touch before blinking her eyes open, looking at him with a touch of confusion. Wasn't he still at the station a moment ago? She's pretty sure of that.

And then she glances at where her phone is lying on the mattress, a couple inches away from her hand, and sees the time on it and puts two and two together. She thought she'd gotten past the Fall Asleep at the Drop of a Hat stage of this pregnancy, but that was probably pretty naive.

"You're home on time?"

"Mhmm." He gives her a smile that's just a little bit cheeky. "Not sure you'd have noticed if I did come home late, though."

What with the unexpected nap and all. He could've come in later and then just said he'd gotten home on time. He wouldn't, but he could've.

"You feeling okay?" Odds are it's just the same exhaustion that she's been experiencing, but Eddie can't help but ask.

“Yeah.” She tugs at him, aiming to get him onto the bed with her even if she’s not planning to go back to sleep now. She can still want to cuddle him, but especially since he was on shift overnight and she woke up alone this morning. “Just the li’l mango making me tired.”

Eddie happily crawls into bed with her, only pausing to first kick off his shoes. Once on his side of the mattress, he stretches, back popping a few times, before he holds out an arm in an invitation for Buck to curl up against his side. He smiles down at her. And down at the little bump.

"Kinda crazy we can see them now."

Buck just grins back at him, snuggling happily against him. She’s missed this a lot with them on different schedules instead of working mostly the same shifts - not that she doesn’t get plenty of time with him still, but waking up to him and just lazing around for a bit.

She takes his hand and rests it against the slight curve of her stomach. “Guess mango was the magic fruit for that.”

It might sound a little crazy to someone not them, but Eddie misses Buck when he's at work. He kind of hates that they've got to spend time apart, even if he loves the reason it's happening. It's not just about trusting her to have his back, either. He just... loves having her around. It's been an adjustment, her being on leave.

"Guess so." He gently rubs her belly with a soft smile. There's not much to feel there, yet. But he's looking forward (even if he suspects Buck isn't) to the day he can feel their baby kick his hand. "Maybe we should get some mango-flavored something to celebrate?"

"Smoothies," she says decidedly. "From that place that makes them with the really good yogurt?" It's kind of pricey, but what isn't in LA? And if they're celebrating, they should do it right.

She rests a hand over his and twines their fingers together. "Did you need a post-shift nap?"

"Smoothies it is." He brings their intertwined hand up to press a kiss to her knuckles. "I actually got a decent night's sleep in the bunk room, so I'm ready to go when you are."

The perks of having a quiet shift.

"Doesn't feel right that you worked a full shift and I'm the one who feels like she still needs a nap."

It's one of those things that she just needs to accept, she guesses. Along with the fact that she's going to get a lot bigger. "We should probably get going before I fall asleep again."

"I'm not the one growing an entirely new human being," he says. "You probably had the more exhausting day out of the two of us."

Eddie drops a kiss onto the top of Buck's head before rolling out of bed. He's quick to move around to her side, offering her a hand up. Not that she can't do it herself, but this way he gets to hold her hand again.

She breathes out slowly. "Yeah." He's not wrong. It just doesn't feel the same because she's not running around saving lives, her body's just doing this on its own without her active input so it doesn't feel like she's doing much.

Buck accepts the hand up, happy to hold him, and also probably practice for when she gets big enough that she'll want a hand out of bed. She runs a free hand through her hair, smoothing out the light bedhead, and tugs her shirt back down from where it rucked up a bit so he could feel the bump.

"What do you think? Shopping presentable?"

Eddie takes a moment to smooth a flyaway Buck missed, tucking her hair behind her ear. "Looking good, Buckley," he says. Sure, he always thinks she looks good, but he does actually mean it for real too. She's more than shopping presentable.

"Smoothies first or clothes?"

"Good, cause I am prepared to cry if we meet a snobby salesperson who refuses to sell jeans to me cause I look trashy," she says. Not that they're planning to shop at Rodeo Drive or anything. She's just very good at crying right now, thanks to the hormones.

In the meantime, she's grabbing her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. "Smoothies first. I need an energy boost."

With one hand, Eddie grabs his keys and wallet from the little bowl they keep near the front door. The other hand reaches out for Buck's, threading their fingers together.

"Sounds good. Maybe if we're feeling up to it we can stop for lunch on the way back too."

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eddie and buck attempt sex, take one

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... i cannot believe i missed my chance to use my eddie shirtless icon at the perf moment

rip

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